Introduction

In my late 20s and early 30s, I went to lots of restaurants that held Michelin Stars. I visited some because they were on my list of places to go and some frankly to tick a box, to collect a badge and know that I’d been there and done that. But there came a point where I had the same revelation as Jay Rayner in The Man Who Ate The World (a must read for any foodie) that Michelin was a mark for those who lazily wanted to know that they would get haute cuisine on a long tasting menu without having to do much by way of research. ‘Star fatigue’ had set in.

Don’t get me wrong. In that time I experienced the magnificent theatre of The Fat Duck where each course told a story that knitted together to form a whole. I ate snail porridge, bacon and egg ice cream and drank a glass of tea that was hot on the left and cold on the right which both amazed and entranced me in equal measures. I went to Per Se in New York (more than once) and enjoyed a stunning view of Central Park while eating a long tasting menu where no ingredient appeared more than once. There were several visits to The Glasshouse in Kew where the kitchen consistently delivered something new and delicious every time. It’s arguably the most consistent dining experience I’ve ever had. And there was an evening at Le Gavroche where I had more dairy than a human should consume in a calendar year and told Michel Roux, several glasses into (me, not him) that I loved him. I do. I can’t get away from that.

But the signs were there, as I traversed these establishments with perfect white linen, often hushed tones and every crumb of bread quickly and neatly brushed away. (If you’ve ever seen me eat bread, that’s worth the service charge alone). The Ledbury after it got its second star was brilliant but part way through a ritual of looking at a raw celeriac that was being celebrated in the same way as a new born child, I started to wonder what sort of world I was in. There were nights where some escargot and a dictionary thick steak in a restaurant where I didn’t have to whisper seemed to be what I yearned for. I love food in all its various forms apart from Goats cheese and perhaps it was time to go back to finding restaurants were excellent but hadn’t necessarily got a star. I was tyred (sic) of Michelin.

At this point, you are probably thinking ‘Poor chap having to eat all of that delicious food. Woe is him’. I’m aware of that, but I needed to set the scene before telling you about my time at the French Laundry because it was the best meal I’ve ever had. Sorry if I’ve ruined the ending. I’m not good at dishing out spoiler alerts.

Around this time last year I was avidly researching places to eat on a forthcoming trip to California with three mates. The three of us had been wine tasting in Burgundy and whisky tasting in Speyside in years gone by. This was a trip to the Napa Valley where we would visit a number of vineyards punctuated by some high end dining and comfort food on alternate nights. All four of us had talked about The French Laundry in the past. It was one of those restaurants that had legend and mystery surrounding it. A good 12 hour flight from London and a few hours drive. Notoriously impossible to get into. A tasting menu priced at levels that make you question your sanity and a wine list, like most American wine lists, that even a Russian petrochemical oligarch would think “We aren’t in Omsk anymore”.

Whether we should go or not go became a long debate over WhatsApp and drinks before we went. Eventually, one of our number while on a work trip to LA spoke to a colleague who questioned his sanity at flying all the way to Napa for a week without going. There wasn’t an issue about getting a table. Another of our four works in the industry and could get us a table whenever we wanted one. (Person 3 did the driving and my role was take photographs and provide the occasional bit of mirth. There are photos in this review so I did 50% of my job. That’s my 2:2 and I’m sticking to it).

We got to San Francisco in the late afternoon of a windy Saturday evening in June. Drove up to Napa on the Sunday and had a day of wine tasting in town and huge American steak by night. Monday was the first of three wine tastings and a simple dinner but by Tuesday morning we were already beginning to feel the weight of days spent tasting and eating. Though we went to the gym in the morning, tried to eat light on Monday night, doubt (and probably gout) were starting to set in. We made sure that Tuesday afternoon was relatively light after a visit to Opus One. For you Bowfinger fans out there, think ‘Mindhead’ with wine. We were all still unsure. This had the potential to be phenomenally expensive and huge let down. Would we all sit there politely eating beautiful food thinking we ought to ‘Mmm’ and ‘Aaah’ as one does and should in such establishments. The Uber to Yountville was silent.

Arrival: Champagne and salmon tartare

We were greeted on arrival by the Sommelier and invited to sit in the garden to enjoy some champagne. A sign of the pageantry to come was the production of a Sabre along with a bottle Dom Perignon 2008.

It was cold, it was zesty, it went perfectly with Thomas Keller’s signature amuse, Salmon tartare and sweet red onion créme fraîche in a black sesame cornet.

I’ve been fortunate enough to eat these on several occasions at Per Se in New York. The tartare manages to simultaneously melt yet have texture. The cone a perfect foil to the salmon and tang of the créme fraîche. I could have eaten these all evening and been a happy man. I could eat one now. You get the picture.

Course 1: K&J Orchards Nectarine ‘Gazpacho’

Something so simple that leaves you wondering, “Have I really ever tasted a nectarine? I mean truly tasted one, because I’m sure this is actually what it tastes like. Everything nectarine before now has clearly been a lie”. It also served as a reminder that we were about to embark upon many, many small courses of intense flavour that would be too easy to knock back quickly without savouring the moment. The ‘gazpacho’ was unctuous and coated my entire mouth with the taste of a nectarine orchard but at the same time had an intense savoury note. I realise how that sounds. I know how the this entire review will sound. Tasting menus are derided by some as pretentious nonsense with insufficient food for the size of the bill that follows. I get it. I understand the criticism. They aren’t what everyone wants from a meal. It does however, happen to be what I want from time to time. To eat four spoonfuls of nectarine and grin from ear to ear.

Course 2: Divine Droplets Sake “Granité”

Another shock to the senses. Cold granité subtly perfumed with vanilla and perhaps even banana-sweet notes from the Sake. The roe a complete contrast. Hard, salty, concentrated. The syrup the floated in bringing the small bowl together.

Course 3: Oysters and Pearls

“Sabayon” of Pearl Tapioca with Island Creek Oysters and Royal Kaluga Caviar

This is perhaps Thomas Keller’s most famous dish and one that arrived at the table with great anticipation. He’s been quoted as saying:

In five or ten small courses we try to satisfy your appetite and spark your curiosity with each dish. We want our guests to say, ‘God, I wish I had one more bite of that.’
New York Magazine (2003)

This dish perfectly embodied the quote. The sabayon was like eating soft, sweet butter at room temperature. My spoon met but brief resistance every time I dug in for more. Two oysters, bristling with a hint of the sea, slippery enough to remind you it’s a bivalve but firm enough to be lifted ahoy by a pearl spoon. And then a lump of caviar large enough to cause you to notice it. Looking like a ripe blackberry but tasting unmistakably of opulence. And caviar. Obviously. Each spoon worked. Big flavours but none cancelling the others out. The rest of the meal could have been merely good and this would have made the trip worth it.

I didn’t make any notes as I ate this. I didn’t need to. Writing this review almost two and half years later I can still remember ever spoon of utter perfection.

Courses 4 to 7: Trout, crab, sea snail and sea urchin

This was four plates served at the same time

Course 4: Wild Scottish Sea Trout “Chaud-Froid”

Brentwood Corn Salad, Dill Pollen, “Lavash” and Brokaw Avocado Mousse

This was an exercise in execution. Every element was perfect. Sea trout cooked on point with a jelly (chaud-froid) that accentuated the flavour. The almost meatiness of wild sea trout and subtle flavour complimenting the chaud-froid that I guess was made with chicken.

While I could see avocado mousse working with trout I was a little more skeptical about corn. But it seems I know nothing. Something that will come as no shock to you reading this. Equal sized kernels, buttery and yellow in flavour, popped in the mouth.

Course 5: Peekytoe Crab ‘En Gelée’

with marinated garden cucumbers

Peekytoe crab has a far more subdued flavour than Dungeness or Alaskan King. Its delicate flavour preserved by cucumbers that had been lightly marinated rather than heavily pickled. North Atlantic saline rather than Alaskan sweetness cut neatly through the richness of the trout that came before it.

Course 6: Japanese Sea Snail Tempura

with Kanzuri Mayonnaise

Tempura that was crisp but disappeared as you ate it, a snail that seemed to have souffléd in the batter and a mayo with a huge spicy kick. Lots of different senses and tastes tickled simultaneously. Like a bullet ricocheting around my mouth.

Course 7: Hokkaido Sea Urchin

with Sesame-Yuzu Vinaigrette

Predictably the sea urchin was exceptionally fresh and tasted of the sea, rather than fishy. It was mineraly and creamy like parfait so the sharp yuzu vinaigrette was needed to keep it in check.

Course 8: Hen Egg Custard

with a Ragoût of Périgord Truffles

Savoury tuile dispatched in one bite (yes, I ignored my own instructions) my spoon reached into a light savoury custard and hit a thick musty haze of black and white truffles. I mean absolutely no disrespect when I liken it to an Oxo cube; the level of intensity was the same but with a Truffle Smack. Meatier than meat. Trufflier than truffles. It was like biting into a truffle and a truffle funk enveloping you.

Course 9: Garden Beet Salad

K&J Orchards Blueberries, Pearson Farms Pecans, Wild Purslane

Beetroots and blueberries are two things I’m not wild about. I’ll eat them but neither are things that I’d actively pick in a shop or restaurant. This was smoky, earthy and the purslane added a pleasing peppery note. I didn’t manage to eat the pecan with it so it served as a nut chaser to follow.

Course 10: Hudson Valley Moulard Duck Foie Gras ‘Terrine’

Silverado Trail Strawberries, Sicilian Pistachio Purée and Wild Sorrel

The foie gras was velvety and the pistachio purée had a marzipan finish that was as good as any pudding wine I’ve had with foie gras previously. On the side of the plate was a selection of salts from around the world. Various volcanos had been mined or salt pans, drained. Each was different with varying levels of sodium, smoke, heat and spice.

With it came a brioche that was thick and buttery. An eagle eyed member of table staff replaced any that even looked like it might go cold well before it did.

Course 11: ‘Peas and carrots’

Sweet butter poached Alaskan King Crab, English peas and ginger infused carrot emulsion

Three long unbroken pieces of king crab snugly wrapped together were sweet but the peas even sweeter. All of this would have been too much if it wasn’t scythed down by the pungency of the ginger infused carrot emulsion. I’ve never had peas cooked so perfectly and probably never will again taste the arboreal honeyed flavour of these most green specimens.

Course 12: Hand-rolled cavatelli

with shaved Australian black winter truffles

Put before each of us was a small bowl of cavatelli laden with a cream sauce that looked like a weighted blanket tucking it in for the night. At the same time the air was filled with an earthy musk of truffles as another member of staff approached with wooden box filled with perfect specimens. Another had a mandolin and took a truffle, shaved it on the pasta and didn’t really appear to want to stop. As tissue thin slices fell gently on to my pasta in what felt like slow motion I watched the first few fuse with the pasta and cream below while the next formed a protective layer above. I paused for a moment to look at what appeared to be a frenzied attack on a pencil with a rotary pencil sharpener and then went in. The pasta was still al dente. Each slice of truffle mingled and melted into the cream sauce. The flavour was intense and while it doesn’t look like much in the bowl, I’m not sure even the most ardent tuber lover could have eaten more.

It was a hug in a bowl.

Course 13: Bread and butter

Dried tomato baguette and Buffalo milk burrata ‘butter’

It takes a confident chef to serve a bread and butter as a course on a tasting menu. By now we knew, as I hope you do reading this, that Thomas Keller is that chef. I can eat good baguette on its own. I often do. I’ve passed this love onto my boys who join me in a love for good bread. When I had one we used to take an end of the baguette each. Now that I have two, the ends are theirs and my pleasure is derived from watching the same delight on their face that I’ve enjoyed a million times. The hard shell of this tomato ‘baguette’ was accentuated by the lick of dough added to the top before baking to increase the crunchy edges available to each diner. Inside a burrata butter that momentarily made me remember and feel that too much dairy can still make me wheezy (an overhang from childhood asthma) but slipped down like the centre of that softest creamiest of cheese.

Course 14: Salmon Creek Fams Kurobuta Pork

Garden Turnips and sauce Raifort

I have a strange relationship with pork. Smoked bacon, chorizo or well flavoured salami and I’ll eat until I can eat no more. A piece of pork or a roasted joint and I’ll look on with a hint of suspicion wanting more details. Pork needs smoke or flavour in my view. Unlike beef or chicken, perfect specimens of each I can eat cooked well, I want something else with pork and sauce raifort was the answer. Horseradish, cream and the earthy turnips combined with meltingly soft pork showing just a hint of fat, nestled in mouth gently to pleasing effect.

Course 15: Wolfe Ranch White Quail

Wild California Morel Mushrooms, Scramento Delta Green Asparagus, La Ratte Potato Purée and whole grain mustard

One of the most difficult things for a restaurant to achieve is consistency. Be it macro consistency of each visit being as good as the last or micro consistency of every plate looking and tasting as the chef wants. When this dish arrived we looked around the table to see if all four plates looked the same. There was nowhere to hide with this dish. Six components executed to perfection that sang together on the plate. I must admit to trying each individually and then together. Both methods equally delicious.

Course 16: Charcoal grilled Japanese Wagyu

Crispy globe artichokes, bantam hen egg gnocchi, watercress leaves and sauce Bordelaise

This was my third time eating proper Wagyu as opposed to ‘Wagyu style beef’. On previous occasions I’d been underwhelmed. It’s very fatty and in the wrong hands is slippery and almost like biting into a a water balloon. In Japan it’s served in thin slices and shown a grill very briefly. Here it had been charcoal grilled to pink perfection. Just enough to get the right colour on the outside, leaving it a deep burgundy on the inside with the fat rendered to keep it moist and filling. The other elements technically perfect, complimented but didn’t detract from the star of the show, the slick of sauce included.

Course 17: Gougère

with Andante Dairy ‘Etude’ and Australian Black Winter Truffle ‘Fondue’

Those with top drawer cheese knowledge might be reading this open mouthed. Did I really eat goats cheese? The answer is no. I’ve listed what was on the menu but mine was not made with goats cheese for I had made it clear at the start that it was the only thing on my verboten list. The gougère was simultaneously light and airy but laden with cheese. The fondue thick with cheese and heady with truffles. I wanted more. Many more, but there was still more desserts to come.

Course 18: Fruits of the Valley

Peter Jacobsen Orchard Peaches, K&J Orchard Blueberries and French Laundry Garden Strawberries

We all remember being lied to as a child with the promise of dessert that turned out to be a piece of fruit. “But it’s healthy” was the response to a confused looking child. Well, I was healthy, I ate my fruit. All of it. Just like at home. Though I don’t remember it looking and tasting as wonderful as this. Perhaps I would have eaten more had it done so.

Course 19: Tahitian Vanilla Bean Ice Cream

Treacle pancakes and Black Winter Truffle confit

Vanilla ice cream with truffles? Sure, why not. Nothing seemed out of place at this point. The very thought of truffles and ice cream gave all of us the giggles but we ploughed on and glad we were too. It’s a perfect match if you have any kicking about.

Course 20: Gateau Opera

Peanut Praline, K&M Chocolate Ganache and Blackberry Sorbet

Slabs of chocolate ganache fused with silky smooth peanut butter and cut with blackberry sorbet. Sure, I was almost at breaking point in terms of how much I had eaten but I had come this far and I couldn’t leave any on the plate. Torture, delicious torture as I ate the last of a creamy, dreamy, salt and sweet combination.

Course 21: Mignardises

Coffee and donuts (another Keller classic) followed with tea to refresh the palate; a palate that had been worked hard all night. A nice cup of Oolong hit the spot. The donuts seemed a bridge too far but were so fluffy and light that I managed two, perhaps it was three. No need to count at this stage. ‘Coffee’ was coffee mouse and cappuccino foam.

The end, the real end, was the presentation of the most beautiful chocolate truffles I’d ever set my eyes on. I had one, I wanted more but I knew that it would be my Mr Creosote moment. “Don’t worry Sir, we’ve packaged up a selection for you to take home”.

Aftermath

Tour

It was now over five hours since we had arrived. There were few tables left in the restaurant and the evening was winding to a close for those that were. We were given a tour of the kitchens and cellar. The kitchen had a TV so that the chefs here and New York (at Per Se) could see each other. It was 3.30am on the East Coast so unsurprisingly it was off when we walked past.

Wine

Somehow we forgot to photograph the bottles we drank. Never before or since have we failed to do so. We drank phenomenal wines which paired superbly with the food.

2008 Dom Perignon
2009 Pierre-Yves Colin-Morey Puligny-Montrachet 1er Cru Les Champs Gains
2007 Domaine du Comte Liger-Belair Aux Reignots
Kongsgaard The Judge Chardonnay
Kosta Browne Sonoma Coast Pinot Noir

Verdict

This was the perfect meal. Every course was 10/10. Add to that the atmosphere, service, wine and importantly the table made it the best meal I’ve ever eaten.

A selection of other photos from the evening can be found below:

For more photos from my trip to wine trip to California in 2018, click here

The French Laundry